I hate job hunting. Applications are waaaay too long and they are all the same. Interviews are nerve wracking and awkward. I never know what to say in cover letters. I don't want to under sell myself, but I don't want to seem cocky either. Why can't we just be totally honest??
Here is what my resume should really say...
- I'm writing this in bullet form so it's easy to read. I know you managers like that.
- I'm probably the best worker you'll find - for the following reasons.
- I don't fake sick because I'm a guilty person.
- I'm not late because running late stresses me out.
- I cover shifts because I have a hard time saying no.
- I'm a really good fake smiler and I know how to shmooze the customers.
- I don't steal. It's just wrong. And sad that this has to be included.
- I'm tall, which means I can reach things that everybody else cannot.
- I bake a lot and your break room will constantly have treats.
- I also pack good lunches/snacks because my Momma taught me that way.
- I always share because I can't say no.
- I'm dying to be a mermaid and if the opportunity arises, I will quit. Sorry.
- I like tacos and pizza way too much.
- If a song is playing and I know the words, I will be singing and probably dancing. That shows personality right?
- My hair is usually in a fun bun by the end of the day.
- I run on caffeine and not enough sleep.
What can I say? I'd hire me.