Mermade Moments: What My Resume Should Really Say

Thursday, May 22, 2014

What My Resume Should Really Say

I hate job hunting. Applications are waaaay too long and they are all the same. Interviews are nerve wracking and awkward. I never know what to say in cover letters. I don't want to under sell myself, but I don't want to seem cocky either. Why can't we just be totally honest??

Here is what my resume should really say...
  • I'm writing this in bullet form so it's easy to read. I know you managers like that. 
  • I'm probably the best worker you'll find - for the following reasons.
  • I don't fake sick because I'm a guilty person.
  • I'm not late because running late stresses me out.
  • I cover shifts because I have a hard time saying no.
  • I'm a really good fake smiler and I know how to shmooze the customers. 
  • I don't steal. It's just wrong. And sad that this has to be included.
  • I'm tall, which means I can reach things that everybody else cannot.
  • I bake a lot and your break room will constantly have treats.
  • I also pack good lunches/snacks because my Momma taught me that way.
  • I always share because I can't say no. 
  • I'm dying to be a mermaid and if the opportunity arises, I will quit. Sorry.
  • I like tacos and pizza way too much. 
  • If a song is playing and I know the words, I will be singing and probably dancing. That shows personality right? 
  • My hair is usually in a fun bun by the end of the day.
  • I run on caffeine and not enough sleep. 

What can I say? I'd hire me. 


  1. That is actually a pretty good start to a cover letter and would most certainly catch the employers eye and make them want to contact you.

  2. Ha ha I would hire you to if just for the fact that you like to back, I'm totally craving some coffee cake. I bet it if you turned in a resume like this you would at least get an interview, you would definitely stick out :)

  3. ha! I hate hate hate doing job applications... Good luck with the search!


Thank you for commenting! It makes my day! If you would rather email me, feel free!

I would love to review your product, blog, etc. Please email me at